Question of the Gay

Assuming kissing my best friend as a little girl doesn’t count (although let’s be honest I was a baby gay, the signs were there) my first queer kiss was at 17. She was my first non-ldr girlfriend, we were high school sophomores together. We went to an art exhibit with my mom and when no one was around in the stairwell we kissed. It was nice. 🥹🥺🏳️‍🌈

Best question, no. And, BTW's, I'm SO desperate for queer friends IRL I'm attempting to stay friends with ex, who dumped me, JUST to have a gay friend.

I hate how gay girls are more “palatable” and than gay boys. I honestly think that’s what it comes down to. So the Duffers get to say that have a queer character while we all know what’s really going on. It’s like this recent trend with shows implying bisexuality, while only having the character pursue opposite sex relationships. It’s lazy, and boring. In my mind, Loki isn’t bi until I see him suck a dick lol

Wild how hookup culture is so closely associated with gay culture when in reality it’s simply guy culture lmao Like, all of my straight friends wish hooking up with girls could be as easy as it is for gay dudes, but they live and die by the puritanical standards they uphold! The call is coming from in the house, sis! How old are you and how long have you been out, Tanner?

I honestly was so like naive and sheltered that I didn’t even really think much about relationships beyond friends until the end of middle school. Middle school I figured something was up. By early high school I knew that “something” was me not being straight and by sophomore year of high school I learned about sexualities outside of straight and it helped me understand a lot and move forward with what was comfortable for me. So by like 14/15 years old I started to actually understand it all

I see what you’re saying but he has said he is not closed off to men. He often brings out the gay and bi flags at his shows. He also openly supports the queer community so I don’t think he’s queer baiting. I think he genuinely is just more open with clothing and mannerisms in that manner.

Like everything else in real life there’s nuance. I like that this article touches on that. The thing about queer baiting is that it comes with a stigma (rightfully so). So if you don’t want to be called out for queer baiting, simply don’t queer bait…it’s not hard. However the issue there is “but money!” You know what isn’t queer baiting (in my opinion)? You can be as gay adjacent as you want while donating all your profits to a LGBTQ+ organization.

Howdy Scott. This is a question I asked, I believe it is the last question asked: What is one thing you wish your family/friends knew about being LGBTQIA+, but you just aren’t in the mood to explain it? I’ll go first: I wish my family knew that being homosexual doesn’t mean I’m less than. But the way in which they exert their straight privilege makes me feel less than. Often they don’t believe in straight, privilege, or straight privilege.

Yeah like everyone said I’d say I’m pretty open to it. Another thing is, I’m from a small farm town so I do have gay friends but I also have a lot of friends who I want to go out with and want to come out with me who are super fine with going to queer spaces so I don’t have to go alone, which I greatly appreciate

This probably wasn’t healthy but I’d always call him during the gay pride parade (Portland OR always falls on Father’s Day) and tell him sorry for the noise. We never had a close relationship but if you didn’t call him on holidays he would get all hurt not that he ever remembered my birthday lol. It’s been years since he’s passed and no real regrets. I’ve made my own logical family where I live now and they’ve been more important in my life than my biological father ever was.

I don’t think hook up culture in itself is in any way detrimental to the gay community. I think that idea mostly comes from straight Christian puritans who project their values on other people. With that being said, there are certain sex norms in the gay community that can be facilitated by hook up culture that I find alarming. Like, I don’t think it’s the healthiest thing for someone to want to get 75 loads up their ass from strangers while high on inhalants.

Question: I teach at a middle school. I’m out to the students, families, and other teachers. A colleague accidentally outed a closeted teacher (she thought that I knew he was gay). The closeted colleague is not rude or homophobic to me, but he is definitely standoffish and cold. He keeps his distance from me. I think this is pretty awful behavior, even though I empathize with him. He was just promoted to a leadership position. We work in a very LGBTQ+ affirming school. Doesn’t he need to grow up?

It’s not bad at all. I have many straight friends who will flex and basically “peacock” to get my approval and the approval of gay men. One of them said he likes the idea of guys finding him hot but they can never have him. Everyone has something.

I have a question… So I’m queer and I use the lesbian label. The thing is I’m attracted to woman and Non-binary, Agender, Demi Girls ect. The thing is do you think it is ok to call myself Lesbian even though I technically am not? I have a strong belief in words changing but I also don’t want to do a no-no. So I have no idea :|

It’s hard to keep queer friends as you get older and even harder during Covid. I had a weekly game/movie night thing before Covid started but that all came to a screeching halt. Going to try and restart it soon but many of the group have moved and others are still hiding out afraid of another wave of Covid (understandably).

My husband and I don’t have many gay friends IRL, but the possibility I can talk to other gay people at any moment feels like possibility for me. Being gay-married is so interesting — not quite a single gay man, not quite a straight-married couple. I hope to find belonging one day!

Do y’all have any quirky queer phrases y’all use? For example, I been saying “Hi Gay!” “Move, I’m gay!”, “Wow bestie, that’s so gender of you!” Or “omg that’s kinda gender, kind of hot”Lately

This might sound dumb but I was 17 when the original Queer Eye debuted on Bravo. Seeing gay people framed as essential to bringing out your best self made me feel better about coming out, which I had JUST started doing the summer of 2003.

Random question: Is it rude to call a queer guy “dude” and a queer lady “dudette”? Would that consider them being in the friend zone? 🤔

Question: do y’all have a “type” for a partner/lover/spouse/friend with benefits? I’ll go first: I do. But I’m working towards identifying why I only like non-Filipinos mainly white guys who are masculine (whatever that means). The wiser I get, the more I hate “masc v other” or that I don’t like Filipino guys. I am exploring how I view self and connecting it to my type. I hope I don’t “hate” myself thus my “type” is opposite of me. Deep for a Monday evening. 😂🙃

Fire Island on Hulu was super cute.. it felt like a queer after school Disney movie.. so so sweet.. made me proud of my “outsider” status.. we see lots of hetero “outsider finding their place” movies, so I am happy to see the queer version.. lots of real sweet queer film happening recently.. living for it! What are y’all’s takes on Heartstopper?! Could you just melt?!?! 🥰

I have a question for the group. As part of the gay community, why do we seek acceptance from everyone, yet if one of our own does not fit the mold that we have created we outcast our own? I have seen this within our community and would like to know others opinions and thoughts.

And I like when straight guys enjoy gay (my) attention. Even though I’m quite greedy with it. But when they’re flexing their muscles and show off in front of me and I see how their eyes are bright from my approval hahaha I don’t know it just makes me feel good 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Is that bad? What therapist would say about it? 🤣🤣🤣

All I’m saying is that the idea of “not wanting to focus on his sexuality” is privilege. A privilege most actually queer people aren’t granted. I’m not ‘coming for’ Harry Styles, and in fact I’m a fan. But I do think this is an issue that doesn’t have a hard and fast answer.

I usually don’t mind them if they’re respectful. It’s hard because I want to assume everyone in a queer space is queer, and we can connect over that shared experience without having to figure out who is and isn’t queer and if it’s safe. I have been in a “queer space” before where The Straights™ far outnumbered anyone who was queer. Once I realized that, it just felt like any other space.

Oh I’m a total sucker for representation and get excited for content that might hit in a personal way. I agree that if it’s bad, it’s bad. But if it’s good, I’m all about it! Don’t judge me, but the HBO max series “Harley Quinn” made me cry and helped me accept my feelings as I was falling for my best friend 😂. Sorry, spoiler!! …was that the question? Or do you mean more the actors/creators etc and not necessarily the story line?

Oh, I forgot! During my stay in San Francisco I saw my very first Drag Show!!! I nearly died when I saw Veronica Sawyer! I’m riding off of that stay for the remaining days of Pride Month 😁 After June I want to make an LGBT/Queer ONLY safe space for all ages because it sucks here so much. I’m slowly solidifying everything and I’m very excited and nervous!!

Recently- playing basic card game apps versus opening the news. As queer parents to queer and trans kids, this current environment is so scary and sad. I just hope all this pain leads to a better and safer future. Everyone needs to VOTE - there are no small elections anymore, every office counts.

Agree - While I may have realized retrospectively that my first queer crush was in middle school, I didn’t really date (or seek out sexual experiences) until my 20’s. I hear this experience a lot. I wonder if it’s changing generationally??

I knew I was queer in 7th grade. When I realized all the other guys would talk about was how cute girls where while I was busy hiding the fact that I was checking out the guys in the locker room during gym class. I was around 13-14 y/o then