A place for queer bears, chubs, and cubs who battle anxiety and/or depression to support each other, share resources, and offer general encouragement.
If you’re in crisis, dial 988 for support
Hey, everyone! I’m in treatment for depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
Just got enrolled in a new healthcare system, and hoping to start seeing a therapist again regularly.
Also underwent treatment for substance abuse (alcohol), and will likely continue group therapy to keep myself accountable (not sober, experimenting with my relationship with alcohol.
Currently on 200mg of Zoloft, and 50mg of Hydroxyzine, literal boner killers lmfao
Thanks for asking! It was...weird? We'd chatted for 2 weeks online, then she got Covid, so we chatted through phone & text. Then we had 2 weeks of in-person dating. Then we had sex and she left for a 2 week vacation, sayinh she wanted to keep in touch, and ghosted me. 🥺🥺 After 4 days I reached out with an "I missed you today" and a sweet voice message about our intimate time together (nothing naughty!) and she responded with the old "I need to be alone for awhile, but thanks for your kind messages." Arghh.
You really have to live your truth. Even if it’s hard. I’m a child of divorce and my dad isn’t gay but holy fuck he’s unhappy. It does a number on the relationship regardless of whether or not he’s still with my mom (which is a whole other bag we won’t unpack here). All that being said - you have a community ready to embrace you. Just focus on the path towards your authentic happiness and truth. ❤️
Wow that sounds incredible. Thanks for going deep.
Frankly, I’m open to anything.
I went to an ayahuasca retreat last year seeking a similar experience. Sadly, the chief tested positive for COVID so it was cut short lmfaooooo
First night was brutal, lots of “purging” emotional and physical traumas (the most intense vomiting I’ve ever experienced), but after those blockages were removed I was able to find the answer to a very specific question I was seeking.
This space is for queer bears/cubs and their admirers to discuss mental health challenges.
(It’s specifically for queers of size and admirers to eliminate potential fatphobia that can be found in the larger LGBT community.)
Feel free to lob a question at the group, let us know what’s on your mind, etc. Hopefully we can all help and encourage each other 🤗
The endless loop of despair. I now have a name for it. I get into that feeling whenever life gets unbearable or I’m just internalizing a lot of guilt (childhood stuff I’m learning to unlearn.). In my head I’m always saying “well, I definitely don’t want to unalive myself but just a lil break would be nice” then I’m good for a few weeks but always finding I have one bad week coming eventually. It’s tough but we do our best to get through it.
I found out from my Mom this week that my grandmother was hospitalized every 4 years for up to 6 months starting when my Mom was 5 years old. Each time she and her sisters would go into foster care.
I had *no* idea, it wasn't discussed. So some 55 years later we can finally talk about it in the open.
Hey all, any recovering addicts in the group? It was Heroin for me, on and off again for the past 6 years-especially during covid isolation. Looking for advice on keeping the depression, panic, and random crying attacks at bay after you get and stay clean? Ive heard this lasts 6 mo to a year and that seems so dauntingly far away. Does anyone have any thing they can share that was helpful for them? Thank you
I understand that and can relate to a degree. I think it’s guilt you feel towards yourself more than hate. But you do hate your responses to these feelings. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting left behind by the people in my life. I have some mental health issues so I do tend to spend time venting and having problems hell even my boyfriend supports me and is always there but deep down I feel like he’s tired of my shit and it causes me to be even harder on myself
I honestly need to figure out a better path forward because my current treatment plan is kinda stuck right now.
I’m currently in a phase where I can’t help but obsess over how much further ahead I’d be in life if I didn’t have to worry about this shit, which is super unhealthy.
One thing that definitely adds to that is social media like IG and Twitter where I’m getting snapshots of happiness minus any real context. As a result, I’m on those platforms way less
Honestly, I love hearing different strategies to tackle mental health issues.
There’s no “one size fits all” cute for depression, anxiety, etc. What works for some might not work for others, and we all know finding a good therapist isn’t easy at all.
Agreed. Progress isn't won, it's won, defended and maintained. Which is why I believe visibility and representation in public life for all minorities is so important. If kids people unlike them on TV, at school, in their community they'll be curious about them and form their own opinions.
My Mom went from being rather xenophobic (by way of the racist British press) to a pflag-waving multiculturalist. What did it take? Meeting my then Colombian-African American, London-based boyfriend. It made her challenge everything she'd been told.
Self-preservation is something I’ve grown to appreciate through therapy. It will have you being goofy in these streets 🤪
Where did your uncle live the majority of his life?
Sometimes I think for people of that generation, it was probably better to protect all of yourself than risk having it chipped away by hate from people you care about. That, and it was dangerous to be out. Probably a ton of compartmentalizing.
At the doctor’s office this morning for an annual physical, but it’s been two years given Covid and all, I can’t shake the nervousness and anxiety. The reality is I’m getting older and have some significant family history and a couple issues myself. It’s more scary to go to the doctor these days than when I was younger.
Happy to hear you’re feeling better, and fueled by our celebratory month. Hate how you can just get hit with some heavy sad boi vibes without any warning. A tough gig, a tough life. Hang in there, man. As a fellow gay and veteran, I love you without even knowing you. I’m in you’re corner.
I cannot imagine what his life has been like; he certainly has a community of gay friends, but never “came out” to the family. I wonder if he ever wanted to, or if he kept quiet for self preservation.
Nothing like my toxic, mentally abusive mom haranguing me about how shitty her life is and how my abusive stepdad broke our family and that I can’t rely on them anymore, even though I lost all of my respect for both of them years ago.
I feel you on this one.
It's different for everyone, the hard truth is you have to work through it, preferably with a therapist if you can get access to one.
I was lucky. with some help, I worked out that all the pain and longing for my exes (which would last years) had nothing to do with them but about my messed up relationships with my Dad. It's trite, I know, but I got there in the end.
If you like I can send you links to something that may help.
Thanks. I’ve been making a list of priority issues that, though matter the outcome of therapy, need to be addressed. That way it takes off some of the anxiety when I first meet my eventual therapist. I spoke to HR about what’s covered in my benefits. Next step is picking and test driving therapists to see which one fits.
Anybody else just fighting for their life every day lol? I’m okay i’m not at all thinking about attempting, I just mean in the sense that like the struggles with mental health are never ending. It feels like my brain never gives me a break like damn! i just want like a little bit of peace
I go to therapy, I’ve been going for almost 4 years and it’s helped me out so much. I think finding the right therapist is crucial and that so many people would benefit from going to therapy, or even group therapy or support groups.
After years of therapy (and no decent therapists in NYC taking my insurance) I've decided to go it alone.
Cardio every day and journaling. And experimenting with a book / podcast recommended by a friend: "The Holistic Psychologist". For me, forcing myself to take the time to work on my stuff is helping. I realize I need to do the work every day but I'm not there yet.
Your timing is perfect 🙏🏾
I just discontinued a therapy group (insurance sucks!) and wondered if I would easily find a group of mature guys open to talk about MDD\dysthymia\ anxiety\etc
Honestly, I’ve been feeling much of the same way this year. I’ve spent several months sucks because everyone just decided things were “back to normal” even though they’re not.
I’ve been consistent with mask wearing for the most part, but got sick of course from eating at work functions. Very frustrating.
I’ve just resolved to do what’s best for me and let things fall as they may outside of that. We have to be able to take proper care of ourselves.
So are any of you guys in therapy and can share something that helped you?
A lot of my anxiety issues are closely tied to my relationships. My therapist described attachment theory to me. I went off and read up on it, and weirdly it described 90% of my relationship issues.
For Nerd Night? Nah, it's a smaller group of guys watching Nerdy TV shows (i.e. a lot of Trek), discussing and drinking.
1. Drinks and catchup
2. Recap of previous episode
3. Watch / thrown popcorn at screen (current show sucks)
4. Discuss episode
5. More drinking
Online validation can be tricky to navigate and definitely can just be empty validation that causes someone to be dependent on those likes to quantify your own self worth and confidence. Miles you are not alone in this - many people struggle with feelings of not being good enough, not feeling attractive, etc - that negative voice can be so strong! It is so tough! Thank you for opening up on here and being vulnerable.
DC life 🙌🏾. I still do individual therapy, just not a weekly group like I was last year.
I’d recommend it. If you go in knowing there will be a period on day 1, possibly day 2, that will be extremely unpleasant. You will also spend the entire night awake, and sleep during the day.
There was also a group therapy component to mine where we all shared our experiences, etc
Physically grueling, emotionally fulfilling
Hello! Thank you for posting about this space group.
Also yes! That is extremely true, I had to unfollow a lot of accounts I was following on my social apps because I kept feeling I needed to be presented in some sort of way or look like a certain type of person to feel “comfortable”
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